Saturday, October 31, 2009

OTHER THINGS THAT PEOPLE PROTESTING PUBLIC HEALTH CARE ARE AGAINST

By Nate Stone (1-13) and Brian Polk (14-35)

1) The sun producing light and warmth
2) Firefighters putting out fires for anyone who just calls them
3) True love
4) Ribbons on kittens
5) Non-banquet beers
6) Raising the price of the Moons Over My Hammy sandwich at Denny’s
7) The designated hitter rule
8) Libraries handing out books for free
9) Improper moustache care
10) Free unicorn rides
11) Eating lunch
12) Babies
13) Tacos
14) Dignity for anyone who makes less than $25,000 a year
15) Facts
16) Orgasms
17) Anyone who has overheard too much Spanish
18) Pre-menopausal women
19) All government health care (except for Medicare)
20) Anyone who (rightfully/obviously) claims Medicare is a public option
21) Everyone from ages 18-55
22) Hope
23) Non-Sinatra singers
24) Unwholesome acts, such as urination
25) Poor people who don’t pay enough taxes to cover the costs of systematically oppressing themselves
26) Bicyclists
27) Red lights—especially when they’re running late
28) Boners
29) Pronouncin’ words like a damned book-readin’ smarty-pants
30) All of Jesus’ Biblical quotes against the rich
31) All of Jesus’ Biblical quotes about loving thy neighbor
32) All of Jesus’ Biblical quotes about helping the poor and sick
33) The Sermon on the Mount
34) Pretty much everything Jesus ever said about anything
35) Gravity

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